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To My Firstborn
I have wondered about you for 20 years. I have hoped that I would do right by you, and feared that I would not be able to help but fail you. I have wondered who you would be. I have wondered if you would be like me. I have feared that you will receive all the attention, and the next will feel forgotten.
You are the greatest gift, though you barely exist. You have existed in my heart for years. I have written to you and for you in my journals these past ten years. I have thought much about the life I will prepare for you.
I will not turn you into a task. You will not be my list of do's and dont's. You are mine. You come from me. I will honor your life with my fullest attention.
I will not make you an idol. I will live a balanced life, and show you how to do the same. You shall have everything that is mine. Nothing will be withheld from you.
I wait to meet you face to face with great anticipation. Your arrival will mark a miraculous moment in my life. You will teach me what I have forgotten: to see the world with eyes of wonder, fear, astonishment, and joy. You will draw from me latent wisdom and understanding.
I have not met you, but you are no stranger. Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. You are a part of me. I am a part of you. When you suffer, I suffer. When you rejoice, I rejoice. Your suffering cannot go unnoticed by me. Your hopes and dreams are more precious than a lifetime of fame. Your success is my success.
You will live with possibilities I never knew. I will encourage your creativity, your curiosity, and your passion. You have my blessing to be exactly who God made you to be. And I will be every bit the father you need to make the journey. And should I fail, your heavenly Father will cover you and protect you with his love.
It is not long now. Soon, we will meet, face to face. Enjoy the journey, my beloved.