You Don't Have to Apologize for Being in the Way
Do you have this one little habit?
Some of the sweetest people treat themselves as NPCs in other people’s stories. You might be doing the same without realizing it.
You know how you’re pushing a grocery cart toward the end of the aisle and someone else is right there at the corner about to pass by and you both stop to avoid a collision?
I used to be the guy who would pause to let the other person pass and say "Sorry!" as though my presence along their path was my mistake.
Turns out many people react this way. But why are we apologizing? Did you collide? Did you hurt anyone? Then what’s the fuss about?
No, don't just dismiss it as something you say. You could say ANYTHING in that moment, including “hello!” but you choose to say sorry.
That means something, even if your subconscious hasn’t surfaced the reason just yet.
Unnecessary apologies kill your confidence, and they erode other people’s perception of you.
How This Popped Up on My Radar
A few years ago, Maja Jovanovic gave a TEDx Talk on how we often apologize for being late to a meeting, and she encouraged her audience to instead say “Thank you for your patience.”
We each choose how we react in a given moment, and we miss opportunities to reclaim a dignity we hadn’t realized we'd lost.
Thanking people for small things rather than apologizing attributes dignity to others as well. Rather than focusing on the inconvenience, focus on the magnanimity.
I changed my behavior as an experiment.
While the grocery store scenario is somewhat different, I borrowed the principle and altered my response.
I chose very intentionally to instead say, "pardon me".
Not in the technical sense as in seeking a pardon. But in the genteel manner of acknowledging another person with respect.
After several years of this altered approach, it always strikes me as unfortunate when a person says "sorry" to me in the grocery store. Because I don't think anyone should ever apologize for their normal existence, even if it's casually inconvenient to other people.
We see ourselves differently when we change a pattern.
“Don’t be surprised if there’s nothing left of your confidence at the end of the day, because you’ve given it away, with every needless, useless apology.”
You are not a NPC obstacle in the path of the story’s primary character. You are a main character, just like everyone else.